Stage Two


Life has moved on from yesterday. There has been a slight tilt to my world and previous, precious, perspectives are askew. Change, which has been creeping slowly, undemandingly, unacknowledged, has screamed from across the realm, shaking me into the present, the future. Swallowing up and spitting out the nonchalence of my cosy, self indulgent cosmos. 

Nothing bizarre has happened. There were no births marriages or deaths within my family circle. Nothing occurred which would be unfamiliar to many fellow bloggers. Some of whom have had to travel much further along the path upon which my family has just embarked.

Last night I was confronted with clear, undeniable, evidence of the deterioration of a loved one’s health. Although we have made some superficial allowances for minor frailty over the past year, the impact on lifestyle has been downplayed. My universe has not been inconvenienced. The implications of the aging process have been purely academic. I don’t have to witness the daily adjustments.

But yesterday my mother disclosed that my father had had a ‘wee turn’. His words were jumbled. His movements were uncontrolled. It was 10.30 in the evening. They were alone. He was frightened. She was frightened. He had his first TIA. Since it, he has been very shaky, unsteady on his feet. Uncertain of himself, feeling loss of confidence. He foresees his future – dependant, housebound, ill. He’s distressed and anxious lest the next time damage is more profound.

Today I’m at the start of the process described so scorchingly by many of you. The sweep of repercussions this will have, the claims on time. I’m recognizing, initially,  how blase I have been in responding to existing signs of debility – affording an aging mother little respite from the burden of her current caring role. And the added imperative to offer support sensitively, possibly covertly.

This is a path well trod by those of you living amidst chronic illness. By those of you who have already had to accept the compromises brought by health impairment. For me – it’s the next stage. Pay back time for care selflessly given. Face to face with the reality of aging and the descent into infirmity.

About xtrekki

OK - I've been doing this for almost a year now and have still not mastered the mysteries of blogging!! WHAT are widgets? What are tags? Where on the dashboard do I find them or an explanation of how I can get them to work for me? In other aspects of my life I am fairly sharp. I could certainly be advisor to Hercule Poirot in unraveling his most impenetrable of cases. So - why oh why can I not figure out how to manage this bloomin' blog???????
This entry was posted in Current affairs, Books, Bookclubs, Grey's Anatomy, Stella, Adventures with friends, Shoes, Food, Wine, Family. And everything in between!!!. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Stage Two

  1. speccy says:

    Oh, xtrekki, you express this so well. Much ranting and raving is allowed. Cake and wine help.

  2. Patti says:

    Yes, very eloquently and poignantly put – thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts.

  3. xtrekki says:

    Speccy – were I to rant and rave the world would shake

  4. xtrekki says:

    Patti – I’m humbled by the heroic lives of others to whom this is commonplace and everyday life. And struggling to come to terms with evidence I have so easily denied for so long.

  5. kileen says:

    You write about this so beautifully and you will cope admirably with whatever changes come.

Looking forward to hearing from you...often!

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