The Future

Ok, I get it. Yesterdays’ post was a rant. nobody wanted to read it. An object lesson for one in competition for NI blogger of the year. Not that I expect to be within shouting distance of that – but it makes one feel bad to think that ones’ choice of subject matter can. as Mr WB Yeats would say, ‘maim us from the start’.

So today I’m taking a different approach. I’m going for the feelgood factor. So. Guess what? We are welcoming another new born baby into the family today. (Well, at this point, actually, it was yesterday!) Relative to the mother of said child, our new relation is of giant proportions. Nine pounds thirteen ounces. Big in anyone’s book, he’s approaching the total weight of his two older brothers.

Now, this is a baby which was expected two weeks ago. So – what does that tell us? That he’s an individual? That he’s not going to be rushed? That he will not conform to expectations?

Whatever his agenda, we’re all thrilled. He looks good, healthy, half grown and ready for his first barbers’ appointment! For those of you who may be interested, his mother is recovering from the shock of giving birth to a child which is almost half her body weight! And we’re all looking forward to welcoming him to the Big Big Booksale (with Cakes)  – (those of you accessing Facebook will know we have organized this for Sat 26th May 2012 in aid of Marie Curie Cancer Care at the Black Box in Hill Street. Have to plug it wherever I can!!!)

So. Now you know. This is grandchild number five for us. All boys. (Probably just as well, at this stage – so much handier for recycling of clothes!)

Child Protection is everyone’s business. A rant.

So I’ve read, marked, learned and inwardly digested (as the boss used to intone in school assembly prayers). And still some of the news reports from yesterday are totally bewildering. Not because of the intellectual content (although some of that was pretty challenging). Rather for the evidence of the sheer callousness one person can show against another. The utter detachment from emotion. The rupture between the self and society. The manifestation of depravity. The revelation of casuistry.

Yes, I’ve looked again at the reports of the child trafficking/grooming, the cruelty of one mother against her children, the sophistry of Cardinal Sean Brady.

And I see anew why children must always be listened to when they report their hurt. I fear how easily indifferent people could dismiss their pleas. I can imagine the motives lurking beneath the submergence of uncomfortable information. And yesterdays’ news of aggregated malevolence only hinted at  the whirlwind, life-changing destruction to so many children of well meaning people passing by.

 

An embarassment of riches – or of blogworthy topics!

Well. I return to the topic of as I was driving home from work…… Earlier, as it happens, that at first expected. In fact, just in time for the six o’clock news on Radio 4 (where else???)

Loads of stuff about the trial and conviction of the nine men in the child sex trafficking/grooming case. Lots of stuff about Greece and it’s threatened slide out of the Euro zone. Lots of stuff about the East Yorkshire woman gaoled for child cruelty (unfathomable cruelty against her own children). Amongst other, hugely consequential breaking news.

And another little snippet about a National Trust press release regarding the acquisition of two (iconic???) petrol station forecourts from the 1960′s. These were on motorways noted at the time to be ‘futuristically glamourous’!

Well. As I say. I was driving home from work at the time I was listening to this. Now I was not on a motorway. No, I was in a four? Five? Six? mile tailback caused by the closure for repair of the motorway running parallel to that minor, hillroad I usually zip along home by. Traffic was at a standstill with occasional bursts of energy when a single car would leap forward by ten feet. I pondered the glamour of the road less travelled (today). I’m still reeling, trying to reconcile that concept, twinned with that motorway.

But thinking about it distracted me so much that I only half listened to those other, oppressive, crushing, demanding news reports. And now I’ll have to go read them properly before I can comment with erudition on them.

And you know my rant would never be other than erudite!!

March. Next Year. And I’m not counting.

Yooooooooo!!! Yippppppeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! We’re booked for Barcelona!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next March, admittedly, and flights only, so far, but – YOOOOOOOO!!!! I’m sooooooooooooo excited already!!! Should I go to Spanish classes in September?? Should I humiliate myself again in the cause of courtesy to the locals? I have already been searching for my Speak Spanish DVD/video/book which I’m sure are all lying around the house somewhere!! Although I know, anyway, that my existing Spanish (no tengo mas que dar te) will prove absolutely invaluable for negotiating every occasion in that grand metropolis!

Not that I’m going to start any countdown – we all know what happened the last time I started that sort of caper!! No. I’m going to slip sedately, earnestly, almost blindly towards the anticipated ecstasy of 1st March 2013. When we – all eight of us!!!! – will finally be together enjoying the delights of that iconic cultural centre and foodie capital!!

So – I’m going to say no more about it until much nearer the time. Honestly. Unless I get really really really over excited some day. Soon.

Philosophies for our day.

It’s Bank Holiday Monday. We had planned to do our bit for humanity. We had intended to have a stall at an open air street fair for charity. And now I realize that we can be blessed by simply having the thought! Our application was refused, as there was a stall for the charity already booked. At the time, we had been downcast. We felt rejected. Dejected. The thinking. Planning. Applications. Gathering of appropriate goods. All for nothing.

And Lo!!. We looked out this morn to find the earth was being washed away! The trees were having difficulty holding their ground. And we were in the comfort of a warm, welcoming home!!! Oh there is, indeed a Merciful God! And she has our future in her hands.

So, after a hot breakfast, enjoying unhurried, easy conversation, I thought I’d publish abroad my reflections on the truth of ‘all things working together for good in the best of all possible worlds’.

Because, on days like this, I turn into quite the homespun philosopher.

 

What a difference a week makes…..

I’ve returned to work. Full time. Plus the second job, part time. So how has all that been going? Well. Let me approach that by describing the alternative routine I had established. Get up, sometimes early, sometimes later. Shower. Breakfast. Read a couple of chapters of whatever book was on the go (occasionally the bookclub choice). Check the emails, comment to blogs. Play some Spider Solitaire. Latterly, walk the coast road and back for a few miles. Prepare the dinner. Or maybe just stay in, play spider, check out the internet shopping. Call down to the gym in the evening (again, a later addition to the routine).

Unhealthy introspection could have resulted. Financial ruin was imminent. Life was in a bit of a time warp. But it was soooo good!! Yes. I was in pain. Yes. Energy levels were decimated. Yes. Daytime tv is dismal. But – now I have come face to face with most people’s reality again.

This is work, Day Six.

No time to stop and stare. (At the internet shopping – ebay cries out to me in my sleep!)

Time surely for a foreign holiday???

Delayed Reaction

Mea culpa. I’m probably the most unsuccessful of continuity girls. A very poor blogger indeed. It had skipped my mind entirely (as all but the most immediate of crises tend to do nowadays). So that the barbed comment from one who may otherwise have been expected to have been more understanding, suggesting some perceived slight was perpetrated, has jolted me into what I hope is a fulsome response and, therein, a wholehearted apology.

I refer, of course, to having been tagged by the redoubtable Speccy. (Although I’m sure you will believe me when I explain that I have not entirely got to grips with Blogging Convention and had not understood the full import of Tagging and Responding).

So. without further ado, I return to the burning questions of March 23.

Cat? Dog?

Ugghhhh to both. OK across the road, on a leash held by someone else. But in my home?? Double ugggghhhh!!!

Summer? Winter?

Surely only someone who lives in a climate of perpetual desert would ask that? Standing yesterday, collecting for charity, then watching an abseil today, proved a point. There really is no question to answer here. I managed, against the odds, to save my fingers from snapping off. Now my feet have chillblains and it will take me until July to warm up. So. Do I prefer the heat??? On the other hand, as Speccy noted – I actually do have winter clothes. And the Ugg boots are soooo difficult to leave behind!

The cooking utensil I like the most?

Well. In our cutlery drawer are three? Four? Five? sets of very dinky wee measuring spoons. Not used very often during cooking, but as I say – they please me. Just a little idiosyncrasy. Which I’d certainly miss from the drawer since without them we’d be able to find the useful spoons sooooo easily!!!

And then Speccy ratcheted up the pressure: ‘what’s your favourite dish’??

OOOOOOOOOOOOoooh!!!!!

Mussels in any sort of wine sauce. Monkfish. Scallops. Oysters with lime. Lobster. Ohhhhhhhh – this is too exciting….. and I’m remembering that this is approaching Easter – thoughts are supposed to be on higher things!!! (OMG – higher than lobster??????? WHAT would that be????)

But don’t worry, Speecy, you’ve put me under no pressure asking about my favourite dessert.

Todays’ lunch gave me my absolutely definitive  answer for that: hazelnut creme brulee! Ravish by ramekin!! Guaranteed to leave you gasping!!!

Skill I would like to learn in the coming year?

I was going to wax poetic/philosophic/reflective – and then I realized that what I would really like to learn is – to master this new Android phone I have now got???? (I think I mentioned that to you??) Again – I skitter off into my own fantasy land!

Next. A decision I’ve regretted.

Tooooo many to list. I absolutely regret roasting that fennel last week . It would have been much more successful if lightly fried. I absolutely regret not backpacking the world at eighteen -thirty. Now I am having to do it a fortnight a year! (And I’ll need to live until I’m three hundred and twelve to see everywhere I want to see!)

Career path?

Should have chosen something lucrative. Or exciting. Or offering world travel. Mmmmmm. What may cover all of that?? Travel journalist?? Futures Banker?? Film star?? Plain old millionnaire?? I’m up for any of the above!! Doh! I ‘m sounding soooo shallow! In hindsight I should have been born decades earlier, to pave the way for Mr Gandhi!!!

My taboo subject to be released upon the world??

That our famed Welfare State utterly fails families where children have severe disabilities? That children remain in their family homes despite extreme risk because our legislation is predisposed towards promoting family life. That fifty really is the new forty??

And then Speccy asks what my partner would say is the most irritating thing about me!!!!!

Well!!!! I’ll have you know, Speccy, there is  absolutely nothing irritating about me!!! So. enough on that!!!

And then on to the favourite book.

Aaaarrrggggghhhhhh – I’ve just realised that I’ve done this all wrong. I’ve answered the questions Speccy was asked by the person who tagged her. (Pseu). The questions for me came after this!!

Doh and double Doh!

Anyway I’ve started and so I’ll finish – my favourite book? I loved ‘The Name of the Rose’ by Umberto Eco. And more recently ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’. To prove I could be as  posey as the rest of them I would say ‘Out’ – but too many people know the story of my experience therewith!!!!

Maybe I’ll manage to get it right and follow Speccy’s tag tomorrow night!!

 

 

The First Step

….. And there I was, driving to work this evening when  – what do you think??? —-Ohh – isn’t it sounding novel to hear that phrase from me again???!!

Yes – I did get there. And yes the systems have been reorganized. And no I was not able to operate them because no I was not able to access the computer (password having expired and new password having to be authorized online by IT. During daytime hours.)

Not that I would have had time to open a computer anyway, much less record anything, email anyone or even play a little Spider solitaire online. Weeell – an easy trial run would have been unrepresentative of the nature of what awaits a returning full timer. Nevertheless – I would have wished for just a little more breathing space between queries. You know – to read the book I had optimistically packed in my bag. Or play with that other new toy I have recently taken possession of -the Samsung Galaxy Ace (Android) phone. (All enunciated fully – showing my total infatuation with this machine which is way more sophisticated than me and is probably embarrassed by my technical illiteracy!)

Anyway. Now I’m home again. Two hours late and not finished yet. Things to finish off tomorrow.

But – I was in an environment where people took for granted that I was professional, capable at the work and with a clear understanding of the appropriate responses. Dear help their wit!!! Still – it is reassuring that one’s internal panic does not necessarily show in one’s external demeanour. That’s the affirmation required for the next hurdle!

PS – as for what I heard on the way to work – I was listening to the news reporting of newly released information about the early stages of the Hillsborough disaster investigation. Where top Liverpool police officers blamed drunken Liverpool fans of having caused the event. It just made me think that, at the time when the Police Service in general was being panned for it’s institutional racism, (ref, Stephen Lawrence enquiry) that other dangerous culture of  ‘them and us’ flourished unchecked and unremarked. Yet it engendered attitudes such as witnessed in this pronouncement. And led to the outrageous extraction of bodily fluids from the fatalities, in order to test for alcohol levels.

I was left speechless. And really rather shaken that there should have been attempts from the outset to cast blame on those who could no longer speak for themselves.

 

Back in the – er- saddle???

Over the past few months I have been laid low. Not so low that I have been unable to enjoy the view from my own window (almost illustrated above), but enough to keep me from much in the way of active socialization. And from work.

But all good things must come to an end (WHY??? – Very Plaintive Cry!). I have a return date for the near future. But before that, there is another test. The second job beckons. Tonight.

I have worked in this post for six years. I should go with equanimity. But it is always very unpredictable and tonight I’m on with the boss. I’m riven by doubts.

Do I still remember what to do? Will I panic at the first/second/third query? Have the rules changed since I’ve been away? Lots has been happening there and I have intentionally not sought updating. NOW I see the error of that policy! I haven’t even seen any of my co-workers in the time I’ve been off. Will they recognize me? (You remember – the gym, the healthy food, the relaxation techniques and all that??!)

Aaand yet. I feel a tingle of excitement. As I always did when going to this job. Because it’s unpredictable. And tomorrow the queries I have dealt with today will become someone else’s issue.

So – this will be a sort of trial run for the real thing looming ahead. When the doubts will be much more sustained!

The Round Robin

Well apparently I’ve missed the round robin. Not only is my blog publishing going astray, but my incoming emails seem also to be falling short of the mark. Have I inadvertently done harm to someone? Have I slipped into someone’s hit list somehow? Am I a social pariah?  Am I paranoid? Does my persecution complex sound well developed?

Perhaps it’s because it has been finely sculpted around a very mature guilt complex. Which is important when you understand that the alleged email was a reference to the upcoming bookclub. It urged (I am reliably advised) that all members (and that probably includes me, although, as I have mentioned I was not a recipient of said round robin) drop their other pursuits for the appointed evening, cast aside their  charity fundraising, their taekwondo classes, vital Friday evening bible study, revitalizing/reckless singles bar evenings to join in civilized discussion about the book which we have, over the past month, been poring over.

An uplifting evening is promised. Well – at least good food, wine, friends – and, of course that conversation about the book.

You will notice I have not actually alluded to the title of said book. Which is, of course, the key to my guilt. And my dilemma. I have read at least four books – perhaps five – since our last bookclub. Just not the bookclub choice. In my defence, this is only the third in over four years that I have not quite managed to get through. The other two were turgid, monotonous, humourless. This one – I can’t say. I had at least started the others! It seems I couldn’t borrow it – My Guiding Light had it on Kindle, but………well you know my facility with technology. Dinosaur to the end, I remain an avid crusader for the virtues of the hard copy, of the genius of the printing press. I simply failed to get a hold of said hard copy.

So – that would be a no. I didn’t check it out on the kindle either. That would require that I knew how to turn it on.

Which brings me full circle. The round robin. I didn’t get it. Should I take that as a termination of my bookclub membership? Should I guess that somehow or other the hostess intuited my guilt?  How did she get to be so psychic without us noticing?????

Can I in all conscience turn up for the food and conversation alone, without contribution to any meaningful analysis of characterization, plot, language and overall execution of the story???

On the other hand – will anyone notice any difference in my contribution to the above? Surely it is my hypnotic wit they would miss more?? And it would be such an insult to our gracious hostess to miss her night. Wouldn’t it??